Endless Regrets

Tears run down into my face when I remember the biggest mistake I've ever made in my whole life. I wish it never been happened. "Okay. That's all for today. Class dismissed," our instructor said. I heaved a deep sigh. That was our last concept for this day and I felt so drained. Good thing she didn't gave a quiz or else I wouldn't have answered any. This is how I feel after class. I would get so mentally tired. But it's okay. I guess this is really the kind of life of a student who is taking up medicine. It's just that I couldn't help but complain. "Coming with us Venz?, my friend Jude asked me on our way out of the building. "Nope. I can't, dude. Maybe other time maybe", I answered. "I thought so. Alright, just say hi to Marell for me", he said with a grin which made me shook my head laughingly. He patted my shoulder and left. "Yes, I will", I waved then went on one of the benches under the tree at the field to wait for my girlfriend. Jude is one of the few people who knew about me and Marell. Although other people probably concluded about us since we are together most of the time, as much as possible we want to keep our relationship private. Thinking about the consequences if we let many people know, it would be hard especially for her. It wouldn't have mattered and I wouldn't really care. I admit I was a player before. I dated many beautiful girls, hit them on, and left them when I'm no longer interested. But not this time... because it's not just any other girl. It's Marell. The girl who made me fall... big time. My mind stopped wondering when somebody covered my eyes. I didn't budge for I instantly knew who that was. I caught her hand and pulled her infront of me. I smiled when I got to see Marell's face. She doesn't have the kind of beauty that would launch a thousands ships nor does a hot body that would make men literally drool over her. But she has the kind of beauty that gets more radiant as time passes and the kind that no one possibly gets tired loving. "Have you been here too long?", she asked then sat beside me. "Not really baby. Hmm, around twenty minutes, I guess". There are only few people around us, I took her hand and entwined my fingers with hers. "I'm sorry baby. We had a long test on one concept that we had to extend." "It's okay. I don't really mind." I looked deeply into her eyes and said, "I missed you." "I miss you too." Then she smiled, my heart somersaulted. Her smile never failed to affect me that much. I continued to stare at Marell. If truth will be told, I'm still in awe with what I feel for her. It's just so intense and so overwhelming. I couldn't believe that I can actually feel this way to a person. I smirked as I got to remember how disgusted I was everytime my friends talk about mushy things bluntly showing how love struck them. They usually tell me, "You'll know when you'll there." Now I finally got here, and I couldn't agree more. Once again, I looked at her. Right there and then, with our hands clasped perfectly together, I swore to God that I would love this girl in every way I can and if ever I hurt her, it isn't what I wanted. I looked around the whole gymnasium and it's currently full of life, as every student rejoiced and all teary-eyed. Another step and we will finally reach the peak of our dream. It is our review for the coming Board Exam. Marell and I were very anxious. We've decided not to go in the same review center. I went to Manila while she stayed in the province. We really need to concentrate. She isn't used being so far away from me and so I am, but we have to endure. The first and second weeks of review were tough. As of us, we never forget to communicate everyday and update each others activities. Our relationship was getting along just fine, so perfect. Until, I met this girl. Her name is Jade. She's also taking her review as I am and if there's perfect description to give her, that will be superbly hot. Honestly, if my companions didn't tell me that she's interested in me, I wouldn't have noticed her. They said that she was constantly looking at me and was asking questions about me. I ignored it and that made them wonder. Several days passed when Jade approached me. I was polite enough. And I knew right there and then that I can never replace Marell to any other girl. It was so stupid but that's what had driven me to go along with Jade. I knew that I won't be emotionally attached to her, ever. We started dating. There were rules and she was fine with it. She even knew that I already have a girlfriend. Everything was fine especially my relationship with Marell. My feelings for her didn't change, in fact, it even grew deeper. I missed her so much. Should I go home this weekend and surprise her? Hmm,why not? I smiled so silly. I prepared everything I need to surprise my girlfriend. What I didn't know was that I would be the one to be surprised. I was with Jade then, she came to my place and I thought it wouldn't be bad if I'd be with her before I go home. She was sitting in my lap kissing me when we heard the door opened. We would've just ignored it but we heard someone gasped then something fell on the floor. That was the cue for us to look at the door. Surprise wasn't the only thing I felt, but also fear. Standing there near us was Marell with her eyes wide opened shock and teary with pain. I felt a hand grip with my heart when tears started to pour like rain. And before I could move, she walked out the door. I immediately ran after her. I grabbed her arms as I got over her place. She didn't budge. I hugged her so tight and she started to cry harder. I wanted to kick myself knowing that I was the reason why she's hurt. What have I done? Moments later, she got away from my embrace then looked up at me. I was about to talk when she put her finger over my lips, stopping me. "You don't have to worry. I don't hate you, never will", she said in her cracked voice. "Please let me explain baby", I begged her. I can see what will going to happen. She smiled, but instead to be relieved, my fear heightened. "I'm always thinking if I suck as a girlfriend, I guess yes, I had. If not, you wouldn't have done this. I'm sorry baby." She bit her lower lip and let it out of laugh, it has no longer life on it like it used to. "My bad, don't worry, that will possibly be long before I get used to it." "Just please listen to me! Let me talk" I was too desperate. My shoulders slugged when she only shook her head. "You've always been a dream for me, Venz. Imagine how unbelievable it was for me when you told me you love me, with all those beautiful girls chasing you. You're too good to be true." She tiptoes then kissed me. After that, she stared at me with such sadness mirrored in her eyes and said the words I was so afraid to hear from her, "I'm letting you go. You're free Venz". After saying those words, she turned her back and left. I wanted to go after her but I can't. I knew I've already caused her too much pain. I was so afraid I might hurt her more. Months later, after the results had been out and the oath-taking has been done, I've decided to go to Marell once again. I knew, I was supposed to let her be alone but it's too hard. I had to see her and so I went. I didn't think I would lose it. I missed the chance. I found out, her family had migrated to Canada and won't be coming back. I could just go after her, it would only be easy. But I was no longer part of her future. Marell have many beautiful dreams and I won't ruin it. She had sacrificed a lot. Now, I have nothing but endless regrets. I messed up everything. For just one stupid thing I did, I lost her. I wanted to hit myself countless times but that won't change anything. Marell was gone. But what I really regret a lot was that I hurt her, when all she did is to love me faithfully. THE PAIN WAS TOO MUCH THAT I COULD HARDLY CONTAIN IT.

Story by: Ryan Cuyo
 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cuyoryan03?fref=ts
Wattpad: http://w.tt/V49lrX